Anger is a Secondary Emotion
Icebergs are large pieces of ice found floating in the open sea. What you can see from the above is just a tiny part. Most of the iceberg is hidden below the sea.
This is how anger works. Often when we feel angry, there are other emotions under the surface. That is, the anger that you are feeling is often in response to and covering up your vulnerable feelings, such as hurt, shame, fear, regret, etc.
Anger versus Angry Behaviour
Anger = Valid Emotion
Angry Behaviour = Voluntary Action
That is, anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. Anger serves as an internal alarm that tells you something is not quite right - usually an unmet need.
On the other hand, angry behaviour is a learned choice. We learn how to express anger by observing others - sometimes these may not be adaptive behaviour.
Why is it Important to Resolve Anger?
Consequences of Chronic Anger
If left uncontrolled, anger can cause physical and mental health problems and interpersonal issues in the long run.
💢 Continuously being in a state of anger, whether suppressed or expressed, can increase the risk to get high blood pressure, stroke and heart disease.
💢 Since chronic anger drain tons of mental energy, it can also lead to unhappiness and stress.
💢 Angry behaviours can cause permanent scars in people's hearts and harm your relationships.
Nonetheless, we can learn new and healthier ways to express our anger and assert our needs.
Healthy Ways of Expressing and Coping with Anger
Here are some adaptive ways to express and cope with anger:
📝 Journal your feelings
🗣 Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs
🏃🏻♀️ Exercise to release the pent up energy
🤗 Give yourself a hug to self-soothe
Remember, it takes time to unlearn old behaviour and for new behaviour to become natural.
Entering into therapy can help you unravel the triggers and primary emotion(s) underneath your anger. Take care of your anger and fulfil your unmet needs.
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